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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
Delhi

I'm Someone who has a happy go lucky attitude. I'm very passionate about music and writing.
Fiction
Published 9 months ago

Sitting in front of them, I see those two pairs of eyes shining so bright. I notice them, stealing glances at each other, while they try to make a conversation with me. The flashback of him stepping down on an escalator and turning towards me to look me in the eyes makes me smile.

His hand reaching for hers and her fingers softly drawing random figures on his palm catches my attention and I remember how we used to hold hands, during the drives back to home.

He pulls her towards himself and they both giggle as she stares at him with fake anger and slaps his arm. He pulls her closer and the image of him holding me inside an ice skating rink and whispering to me, "See! We're dancing" floats in front of my eyes.

I think of the long drives, the spontaneous dinner dates, the vodka and cards, embarrassing dance moves, very first driving lesson and every little thing and close my eyes. Lost in each other, they don’t notice that I’m getting lost in my own world. And suddenly, he is at two places at the same time, a different person in front of me and another, inside my brain.

They somehow, realize, I am still around. She asks me, about the forgotten friendship and I mention to her an incident, when I and her boyfriend went on a late night drive. The sound track “Cheap Thrills” playing in his car, both of us singing along loudest possible and I pulled his cheek, every time the lady from inside the music player screamed "but I got you baby!" As I take a pause while narrating the story, he looks at me astonished, his voice filled with disbelief, he tells her, this has never happened. I wink with a cunning smile and tell them, "I have started writing fiction."

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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
0 1 0
For the curious one
Poem Published 9 months ago

I saw someone getting curious again,
about the membrane over my emotions
and the pain in my poetry
Again, someone spotted the dark wall,
that wall, enshrouded in my giggles
I see that someone struggling to unscramble,
looking at me the way a kid looks at a jigsaw puzzle.
But how am I supposed to tell,
The reasons that even I don’t know
My lips don’t speak anymore,
The things that shake my soul,
The questions were once answered
and the aftermath can be compared
to the splinters piercing every inch of skin
or getting buried alive in a field of ice.
I’m learning to tame my own demons,
Guardian-angels are over-rated to be precise!

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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
0 0 0
Confession
Poem Published 10 months ago

So, I have a confession to make,
At times, I still think of you.
I think about what would have happened,
If only I were in your place,
And you were in mine.
If only, you would have fallen and I didn’t
If, I would have found the one for me,
And you would have felt the sting that I did.
Could things go different, if you cried and I consoled?
If you told me how much it breaks you,
I don’t think I could tell you to move on.
You sure are really strong-willed,
Managed to break something I thought was unbreakable,
and I don't know if you give it a thought,
But yes, At times, I still think of you...

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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
0 1 0
#wedon'ttalkanymore
Poem Published 10 months ago

So, when you think of me,
Do you also wonder why we don't talk?
Does it have something to do with our last goodbyes
when you told me we should forgive each other
Is it because of those farewell hugs
or because of all the crying with my head in your lap
There, I remember,
I told you that staying apart will kill me
must be it, sounds like a good reason.
Oh I got it! It's because you said,
you'll never be happy without me
And then you told me we can't be together.
I'm still trying to figure out,
Maybe you are scared of me now
or have learnt to be happy finally
and now don't want to look back
Pretty sure this is it.
But how am I to know if it's something else
How would I know if it's because
the times you tried to touch my soul,
were a waste and you realized it later
or if it's because you promised to protect, but stabbed,
told me I'm not unwanted, will never be and then you said I was
So, for once and all, let's just clear it out,
We don't talk because I hate you,
Or because you know it?

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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
0 0 0
The happy place
Published 10 months ago

Hey,

I really wanted to add that nick name in salutation that we used to call each other with, but then, the flash backs didn’t let me. I remember how brutally I asked you not to use that name anymore. And with that, I threw you out. I had lost the right to call you my best friend.

I wonder at times, what were we? Friends, but more than that? Not a couple, but attached like one? Almost 3.5 months of being friends, best friends, stuck in your orbit, afraid of losing you and apart from last 2. Have cried for you, hated you, cursed you, and now, when I see you happy from a distance, finally I feel happy too. Not because you’re happy, but because you being apart doesn’t make a difference. Selfish... Isn't it?? :)
You know, I make it through the day without thinking about you. Things have changed. Your name still appears in my facebook friend suggestions and I smile while looking at your picture. It amazes me, that one fine evening, when I was scrolling through my news feed, this one suggestion made me nauseous. It really feels amazing when you had once thought that you’ll never be able to get over something and you somehow manage to leave it behind. I remember the times when I used to share silly details of my day with you, undoubtedly, I missed doing that for weeks, but it’s not the same anymore and I’m overwhelmed with the fact, that I don’t crave to tell you stuff. You used to be my happy place and now, when I’ve found that happy place within myself, the feeling itself is so empowering.

During an early morning drive, I told you that I read a phrase somewhere, which said, “The most addictive drug to a human being is another human” and you said, “That’s deep.”
The second phrase that I read last evening was, “It takes exactly 21 days for humans to make or break a habit.”
I’m doubtful about the authenticity of these phrases, but yeah, I’ve experienced them both. Though, I didn’t count what exact amount of days it took for you to be my happy place, neither had I counted the days when I felt like depression was taking over. You’ve given me one of the most powerful lessons in life. I would’ve never come across the stronger version of myself, if it wasn’t for you. Saying a thank you will spoil it, so, not saying that. Just grateful that we happened to cross paths with each other.

Have a good life ahead.

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Gazal Jain
@GazalJain
0 1 0
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